


something always brings me back to you

by brookethenerd



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:15:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookethenerd/pseuds/brookethenerd
Summary: Soulmate AU in which philip and lukas are soulmates, but lukas lies about it (and, of course, philip eventually finds out)





	

Philip has been looking for Lukas Waldenbeck his entire life. When he was small, on her good days, his mother would turn his arm so his wrist was showing, and read off the name to him in her lilting voice. She would tell him about how happy they would be. She would tell him that soulmates were soulmates for a reason; they would be together, and it would be easy, and things would be good.

She stopped telling him these stories as he grew older and she fell deeper into addiction. But Philip still held onto them, and whenever he looked down at his wrist and saw the word Lukas written in that chicken scrawl handwriting, warmth filled his chest. They would be together. It would be easy. Things would be good.

Then Philip found Lukas. And they aren’t together. And it isn’t easy. And things aren’t good.

The first time he kisses him, in the cabin, and Philip carefully tugs Lukas’ shirt over his head, his heart stops.

_Rose_. In curled cursive, pretty and elegant. Written between two of his ribs.

Philip stops, pulls back, traces his finger along the name. Something flashes in Lukas’ eyes, guilt, shame. If Philip were looking at his face, he’d see it. But he isn’t.

He’s looking at the name.

All of a sudden, the word written on his wrist starts to burn. He prays that Lukas hasn’t seen it yet. He doesn’t know how we wouldn’t have, but for a moment, he hopes.

“What is it?” Lukas mumbles, catching his breath.

“Nothing.” Philip says, dragging his eyes away from the name and back to Lukas’ face. “Nothing.” He says again.

Then he pulls Lukas back down to him, and pretends his lips don’t taste like ash.

-

Philip often wonders if he’s broken. He wonders if he’s a glitch in the system, a mistake someone made. Philip isn’t sure if he believes there’s anyone up there, but he does wonder how the system works. If someone is stamping names onto souls and sending them down, hoping the two find each other.

He does lots of internet searching, too. He finds tons of other Lukas’, and fewer Lukas Waldenbeck’s, but he knows they’re wrong.

He can feel it when he’s around Lukas. He can feel everything slip into place, like the world is a mess of puzzle pieces, and when he and Lukas are together, they all come together.

He has to be broken. There isn’t another alternative.

Now matter how much he wishes there were.

-

Philip does his best to ignore the reality of the situation. He and Lukas don’t talk about the name-Lukas’ name-written on Philip’s wrist; nor do they talk about the different name written on Lukas’ ribcage. It always sits beside them, this nudging weight, but they don’t look at it.

Until one day, they have no choice.

Lukas drags Philip to a lake set back in the woods, so far out it’s nearly untouched. Lukas jumps off the bike, already tugging his shirt off, running into the water. Philip watches with a smile, and drops the space helmet to the bike, following Lukas in.

He dives beneath the surface, letting the freezing water wash over him. He holds his breath until his lungs are screaming for air; only then does he find his footing and let his head break through. He gasps for air, and wipes the water from his eyes, shaking his head like a dog. Lukas makes a face, covering his eyes with his arm.

That’s when Philip sees the smudged ink. What he believed was a tattoo, like the one everyone has, is smudged. It must have been a combination of Lukas’ shirt rubbing against his skin, the pressure of Philip’s arms around his waist as he held on while Lukas rode, and the cold water. Whatever the reason, the word that Philip saw as concrete, never going away, is smudging.

Philip goes still, and Lukas notices a half second too late. He drops his arm to his side, and turns to hide his ribs.

Again, his movement draws Philip’s eyes. But not to the smudged name Lukas is trying to hide.

To the tattoo on his hip, revealed by water tugging down Lukas’ jeans.

_Philip Shea_. Written in Philip’s handwriting, not at all smudged, dark and obvious and real.

Philip’s stomach rolls, and he backs up until his feet hit the dirt. He turns around without a word, and reaches for his boots, shoving his wet feet into them.

“Philip! Philip, wait!” Lukas calls. Philip ignores him, and the panic in his voice. He keeps his back to Lukas, and keeps walking until he hits the trees; he has no idea how to get back on his own, but he’d rather be lost in the woods than look at Lukas.

Slim fingers close around his wrist, and Philip yanks his arm back, whirling. Lukas stands in front of him, shame clouding his features.

“You lied. You’ve been lying this whole time.”

“Philip-“

“This whole time, you’ve let me believe that I was messed up. That I was-that something was wrong with me. This whole time, you-“

“Philip, that’s not-“ He reaches for Philip again, but Philip steps back, shaking his head. He’s so angry he could puke. He just wants to run until he can’t anymore, and slam his fists into a wall until he can’t feel anything.

“How do I get home?” He interrupts.

Lukas’ face falls, lips parting, more empty excuses slipping out.

“How do I get home?” Philip repeats, harsher this time. Lukas’ eyes flick around his face, and it looks like he wants to say something, but instead, he nods towards his bike.

“Ill take you back. You don’t have to walk.”

“Ill walk.” Philip says, averting his eyes, jaw clenched.

“Philip, please-“

“Just give me a direction, Lukas.”

Lukas sighs, and points. Philip doesn’t meet Lukas’ gaze as he walks away, and he doesn’t look back.

Not once does he look back.

-

The thoughts roll like film credits in Philip’s head as he tries to sleep. He tosses and turns in the sheets, an arm slung over his face, trying to block out the moonlight.

All this time, Philip’s name has been written on Lukas’ skin. All this time, Lukas lied.

The names appear sometime between the ages of 3 and 5. It’s likely that Lukas’ father never saw his. Growing up with a father like that, Philip can’t blame Lukas for hiding it, and pretending the name belonged to a girl.

But he lied to Philip. Every time they kissed, or touched, or looked at each other, and Philip’s thoughts strayed to the name on his skin, Lukas let it happen.

Lukas let him think he was broken.

His phone has been buzzing incessantly since he got home. He’s let it sit on his bedside table, and only now does he grab it, scrolling through the long string of texts and missed calls.

_I can explain._

_Philip._

_Let me explain._

_Philip, please._

_Please answer._

_*8 missed calls*_

Philip lets the phone fall to the sheets beside him, his chest tightening.

_Broken, broken, broken_. All this time, he thought he was broken. He thought that the universe had made a mistake.

He raises his wrist and tilts it so the moonlight shines on it. He traces his finger along the curve of the U, the S.

The phone buzzes again. And again.

Philip grabs it, and brings it to his ear.

“What is it, Lukas?” Philip asks.

“You have to understand-“

“I don’t, actually. I don’t have to understand.”

“Philip-“

“Dont.”

“Please-“

Philip hangs up, and shuts his phone off. He tosses it onto the floor, and grabs his pillow, bringing it down over his face. He clamps his eyes shut, kicks the sheets off, fidgets. Sleep is nowhere to be found.

_Broken, broken, broken._

-

Avoiding Lukas isn’t easy, but Philip manages. He dodges all his texts, and after a few days, Lukas stops sending them.

He finds himself missing Lukas, though. Every time he hears Helen mention the case, he resists the urge to call Lukas and make sure he’s doing okay. He doesn’t go over there after school to ride with Lukas, or take videos.

It goes like this for a week. Then Philip gets home from school and finds Gabe and Lukas in the living room. Helen’s brows furrow, and she looks over at Philip, then at Gabe, then at Lukas.

“Lukas?” She asks.

“He wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Gabe says.

Lukas gets to his feet when he sees Philip, and longing slams into Philip’s chest.

He hates that he’s missed him. He’s angry at him, so angry, but he missed him. God, he missed him.

“Philip.” Lukas breathes.

Philip crosses his arms, lips pressed together.

“I get the feeling we’re missing something.” Helen says.

Neither Lukas nor Philip bring them into the clear. Instead, Philip drops his bag, and heads up the stairs.

Lukas follows him, and when they get inside, Lukas shuts the door behind them. Philip stalks over to the window, looking out it, anything to avoid looking at Lukas.

“There’s nothing you can say to fix it.” Philip says.

For a moment, Lukas says nothing.

Then, he says, “I love you.”

Philip feels as if he’s been punched in the chest. He can’t help it; he turns to face Lukas, lips parting.

“What?”

Lukas licks his lip, shifting his weight nervously.

“I love you. I shouldn’t have lied about the name, and I know that, but I was scared, and I was scared because I-“ His eyes flick downwards, cheeks flushing slightly.

“I love you. Because I love you, and I shouldn’t, but I do.” It seems to shock him each time he says it, as if Lukas is just now realizing it himself. He lifts his eyes back to Philip, more confident now.

“I love you.” He says. The words leave the two on the edge of a cliff, and Philip is the one that can choose to pull them back, or push them both over.

“I thought there was something wrong with me. I-“ Philip stammers.

Lukas surges forward, and wraps Philip in a hug. Philip stiffens, and Lukas pulls back, cupping Philip’s face in his hands.

He leans forward, pressing their foreheads together, eyes closed. When he pulls away, he steps back slightly, and tugs his shirt up, shoving the waistband of his pants down to reveal a sliver of pale skin, his hipbone.

And the words Philip Shea.

“It’s you.” Lukas says.

Philip lets out a breath. The knot in his stomach loosens, just a bit. He lifts his eyes to Lukas’.

“Okay.” Philip says.

Lukas reaches down for Philip’s arm, and pulls it up, looking at his wrist. He moves it so that it’s right above Philip’s name on Lukas, lips curling up slightly.

“You told me I had to decide.” Lukas says.

“Yeah?” Philip asks.

“And I have.”

“And?”

“And, I pick you.”


End file.
